Five Strategies to Promote Success

Today I attended the Raleigh North Carolina Stake Conference.  Sister James spoke, sharing five things that parents can do to prepare their children to be missionaries.  This is, of course, besides the physical preparations, buying clothing and luggage, making sure they're healthy, getting their dental work done, etc.

Since there are numerous grandchildren in my family who are future missionaries, I thought I'd share the insights of a "Mission Mother" so that my children can begin to prepare their children for missionary success.

My grandkids, circa 2014.
This group includes two who are now returned missionaries.

#1:  Build  their independence.  Let them take responsibility for their own actions.  Let them experience the struggle of tackling difficulties and succeeding on their own.  Help them understand that they can do really hard things. Step out of the role of problem solver, and instead be a listening ear and sideline cheerleader as they navigate through life.

#2:  Help them be responsible for their own happiness.  Teach them to smile.  Help them be resilient, to develop healthy coping strategies.  Help them find the things that can contribute to healthy happiness, e.g. sports, a gratitude journal, service, social interactions.  Help them avoid electronic isolation and foster connections with other people.  Help them learn they can find joy in things that will last.

#3:  Help them understand and practice repentance.  Help them understand they can change and progress, be forgiven and receive God's love; help them find peace, and learn to know the Comforter.

#4: Teach them to not be easily defeated.  Avoid perfectionism, and learn the resilience of knowing that if they aren't completely successful in a chosen activity, there are other activities and other paths they can try.  Help them seek alternatives.  Competition with others is the thief of joy.

#5:  Teach them charity.  Help them learn to love, to listen to others with a sincere interest.  Help them learn to love themselves, because without self love it's difficult to love anyone else.  Charity never faileth.

Many parents send their sons or daughters on missions hoping that a mission will "fix" them; make them stronger, less selfish, give them more faith, etc.  As Pres. James has said many times, a mission will not fix anything, it will only make problems worse.  A mission is really, really tough! Strength needs to be within the young man or young woman before they come to the mission field, or the challenges of missionary life can lead to despair and a feeling of failure.

It is my observation that the most successful missionaries are those that have begun to grasp the five concepts listed above.   "Helicopter parents" who have always solved their children's problems for them cannot logically expect them to thrive on their own, away from parental micromanaging.  Because the Mission President cannot and will not fulfill that hands-on parental role; nor will the senior missionaries they associate with.  Help we can, and do, but baby the missionaries we do not!

I encourage the parents of my grandchildren to assess your parenting and see what you can do to instill these concepts in your children.  They won't have to go on missions to benefit from learning independence, the ways to find happiness for themselves, the path of repentance, resilience, and charity.

May I assure you that I think you are all great parents and role models for your children.  Please understand that I share this with you not because I see a lack in your teaching of your children, but so that you may be able to consciously identify those things you are doing right, and possibly improve in those areas where improvement is needed. The earlier these teachings are begun, the happier your children will be when they reach a point in their lives when they are independent and need these attributes.

I love you all! The Church is true, and I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve!